Blatant Lies

a shitty sitcom parody aside i wrote during writing the story because i had to apparently

MARRIED TO DOWNTOWN: A SITUATION COMEDY FOR THE CIVIC FAMILY HOUSEHOLD.

Starring Swayze as the Civic Husband, Delay as the Civic Wife, Timba as the Family Friend and Bieber as the Multifaceted Teenager.

[Setting is a cutaway of a very typical Civic median income family household downtown. One entire floor of their building is occupied by three people, each of them using a segment of the floor as their living space. Each person has their own sleeping room, entertainment room, beauty & sanitation room and leisure room. These segments area all connected by a Communal Room with four chairs and a table surface that extends out from the wall. This entire effect is abstracted into three rectangular chunks of scenery which are Context-Surface coded by area to indicate which room each individual moves through. The barriers between walls are essentially negligible as everyone has immediate audiovisual access to every other room in the household except for the B&S and Leisure Rooms. Every inch of the household is layered in Context-Surface with full reactive integration.]

[Scene opens with Swayze sitting in a lounging device in his entertainment room trying to describe something]

[SWAYZE: It’s female, it knows me, it’s bigger than my head yet smaller than my large toe at heart. It seeks me.]

[VISIONQUEST responds by introducing a foetus-shaped ball floating in the air before him, which continually spills its many-coloured contents from out of a subducting hole like waves across its surface before returning to a pinpoint singularity hovering above its tiny head. As he watches its shape changes in various ways: it grows in size, becomes the shape of a teenage girl and then elongates into something resembling a crossbreed of a lizard and an old woman. Its back is longer than its fingernails which are longer than the lengths of its legs. It reaches out to him, stretching its scratching claws along the walls as it blends with the ceiling, floors and walls to become larger than he. Its color is an electric blue and it moves to encircle him on all sides, belly opening like a three-lipped maw to enclose him within her torso. He cries out, slams his fist down on the lounging device and the room floods with tropical light and color. He is now in a rainforest where lemurs leap from tree to tree, shaking their ringed tails and devouring sweet fruits. Swayze claps a hand over his chest and exhales deeply with relief.]

[SWAYZE: They better not bill me for that!]

[laughter]

[DELAY, speaking on audio only from the B&S room: Dear! Are you okay?]

[SWAYZE: Well dear, let me just say that’s the last time I face my inner demons before dinnertime!]

[DELAY: I told you not to face your inner demons before dinnertime!]

[SWAYZE: You also told me that your fertility drugs helped with your digestion! Now I’m getting Oedipal visions and giving birth to myself!]

[laughter]

[DELAY: Swayze!]

[SWAYZE: What can I say? I’m a postmodern man!]

[laughter]

[SWAYZE: Dear, what’s taking you so long? We’ve got company tonight!]

[DELAY: I’m just putting on my face, dear.]

[SWAYZE: Which one? Barbara or Yolandi?]

[laughter]

[DELAY exits the B&S room with a black bag over her head holding two tabula each showing a Type face]

[DELAY: Well?]

[SWAYZE: Well what?]

[DELAY: Barbara or Yolandi?]

[laughter]

[SWAYZE: Which one is hotter?]

[DELAY: That’s what I’m asking you!]

[laughter]

[SWAYZE: No, I’m asking you which one is more *stylish* right now.]

[Timba, wearing a pink and yellow hoodie with patterns resembling those of a Dashiki, appears behind both of them with Context-Surface splitting his body into one half in Swayze’s room and the other half in Delay’s room. He has a gold incisor, gem-crusted eyelids and his hair resembles the stitching pattern on a softball]

[TIMBA: Did somebody say “stylish?”]

[cheers and hooting]

2 January 2013